< back to Julie's blogI'm sad today

You all know what it's like.  Shall I go past the intersection where Lee was killed. No I can't today. Some mongruel steels his cross but I know the exact spot where Lee lay dead.  I hear Lee's song on the radio, is he trying to tell me something?

My heart is aching, I tell my hubby I am having a heart attack.  Then I realise its just the physical pain that comes with the emotional. I did my work and pretended all was okay, but its not.  I am heart broken and its just another sad day.  Some days are better but not this one.

Thanks to all my new friends on this site.  You know my pain.



Written on 03 Feb 2010
Over 14 years since incident
Tags: Heartache

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Photo for user Josie Watson

Josie Watson | 04 Feb 2010

Hi Julie,

I know exactly what you are going through.

I seem to be having one of those weeks.

Everything reminds me of Rhys and Jake, images of my son on life support keep popping into my head.

I keep telling myself to be thankful that he is still here with me, then I think of the pain he is waking with every morning, and think of the other two mothers who aren’t as lucky as I, and the pain starts all over again. I feel guilty that I feel so bad when they have lost their babies, I still have mine. But I miss them coming to my house, laughing with my son, planning their lives ahead of them. I wish we could laugh again, it seems a lifetime since I saw my son laugh.

Your post made me cry, but that’s a good thing. I haven’t done that for a while, I think I needed it.

Sorry for the depressing post but we all know that we go through these bad times. Next week will be different, it will be a different stage again to work through.

Good luck to everyone, thanks for the support, and for just being able to ‘vent’ with those who know exactly how I feel. My thoughts are with you all.

Photo for user ANN LEWIS

ANN LEWIS | 05 Feb 2010

Josie hi. This site is here for us to be able to show our feelings and feel among friends who understand it. It’s wonderful that we feel able to use it in this way, and we certainly understand it and share your pain. Big hugs for you, thinking of you and wishing you the strength to go forward. Ann xx

Photo for user ANN LEWIS

ANN LEWIS | 05 Feb 2010

Julie hi. It’s funny because every time I hear a particular song on the radio, I wonder if it’s my Jane trying to contact me? I have a place in England at the cemetery, with a plaque with Jane’s name on it. I used to take flowers when I live there, and now her friends take them on her birthday and Christmas. I, and her friends used to put objects there, for instance a little star that she had on her bedroom wall. One of her friends put a little miniature rocking horse there, and they all disappeared. I wondered how anyone could be so callous as to take things from the cemetery that obviously meant a lot to someone. I know I put them there though, and I feel sure that Jane does too, so that’s all that matters.
I hope today is better for you Julie. Ann xx

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